UNDER CONSTRUCTION

While we wait for serious articles on Karate and anything else we think worth talking about, here's a martial arts joke or two.

'At the court of the Emperor, three martial arts masters are seeking to prove that their way is the best. The first master gets up and, while demonstrating with a katana, notices a fly buzzing round, quick as a flash, whooosh, he cuts the fly in half. The Emperor is delighted and very impressed, and calls for the next master to duplicate or better the feat. The next master rises and, whirling a pair of knives faster than the eye can see, whooosh, whooosh, another fly drops to earth in four pieces. The Emperor is astounded, surely no-one can match this amazing feat! The last master rises to his feet, stubs out his cigarette, and pulls out a safety pin. Walking to the middle of the room, he swings at a fly with the not-so-lethal weapon. "Bzzzzz" goes the fly, as it heads for the window. "That was crap" said the Emperor, completely unimpressed by this martial display. "Aha," said the wizened old master, "But that fly will never have children again......" '

'There was this little chap sitting in a pub, drinking his beer, minding his own business, when all of a sudden, this hulking Neanderthal comes in and >WHACK!< he's knocked off his stool and onto the floor. The big lad smiles and says "That's a karate chop from Okinawa." The little fellah thinks "What the ****?" But, not wanting any trouble, he gets back on his stool and starts drinking again, when all of a sudden >WHACK!< the big idiot knocks him down AGAIN! "That was a judo chop from Japan." He says. So the little chap has had enough of this, he picks himself up, dusts himself off and quietly leaves. The little chap is gone for about an hour, before he returns. Without saying a word he walks up behind the big lad and >WHACK!< he knocks the big lad off his stool and out cold. The little fellah looks at the bartender and says "When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from Homebase!" '

Harold’s new job had him working really late, so he decides to get his wife a watchdog, to keep her safe of an evening. So he goes to the pet shop and asks if they’ve any dogs in that would make a good guard dog. The owner said “If it’s a guard dog you’re after, I’ve got just the dog for you.” He walks into the back of the shop and comes back with a little poodle. Harold isn’t impressed, “this little thing, a watchdog? You’re taking the mick, right?” “Oh no,” Said the owner, “this dog is nails; he knows karate.” “Karate? I don’t believe you!” says Harold. The owner puts the dog down and says “Karate that sign” and he points to a sign in the corner of the shop advertising dog food. The dog sits up puts on a little rising sun bandana, bows, and runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed. The owner then says “Karate that chair!” And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog does a few stretches, throws a few practice kicks, bows, runs up to the chair and smashes it to pieces. Well, by now Harold is convinced. “I’ll take him!” he says. When he gets home, he pops the dog on the table and tells his wife they’ve a new watchdog. His wife takes one look at the poodle and yells out “this little thing, a watchdog? No way, you’ve been done!” Harold says “But this dog knows karate.” “Karate!” she yells, “Karate my A***!”

Thanks to Beth for the last two!

"SENSEI SAYS......." A selection of humorous quotes,